An Azumanga Christmas Carol
by JR Salazar
Summary: An AzuDai spinoff of the Dickens classic. Just in time for the Holidays. Complete.
1. Chapter 1a

I took some time off "School Day's Night to write this short spoof on the Dickens classic. ASDN will be updated soon. For now, enjoy this little piece of good stuff, which will be divided into chappies, which will be divided into subchappies. Enjoy.

An Azumanga Christmas Carol

By Jo-Ryan Salazar

Chapter 1a

Kimura was dead, to begin with. Period. It was written on his gravestone six years ago, when he died from too much drinking and harassing young women, only to die from too happy of a life, and too dirty of a life. Kimura was dead as a ding-dong bell. And Yukari Tanizaki knew it. Six years ago. Dead as a ding-dong bell.

Again, dead. As. A. ding. Dong. Bell.

Yukari and Kimura were partners in the realm of teaching for so many years, countless. Mr. Kimura would talk about the classics: Dickens, Eliot, Shakespeare, while at the same time, take advantage of high school girls, to his wife's silent chagrin. But he, of all people, enjoyed his profession. For Yukari, that was the last thing she would want to enjoy. Teaching about proper grammar and speaking in the English language, while acting like a child. She was always that way.

It never tore at her, this…unwavering coldness tempered with anger and resentment at her own life. She never valued anything, except being paid to do her job, and after that, head to the local izakaya, drinking every second, every minute, every hour, day, week, month, year away. Yukari's arched eyebrows, lasting frown, cold brown eyes, twitching body that was slender but tainted by shots upon shots of liquor, and never of regrets. Yukari never regretted her actions. They were all for a purpose. Or so she thought.

No one even cared about Yukari. To the outside world that she loathed, she was just a troubled, stoic, middle-aged woman with no shot for happiness. No season was satisfying enough, no birthday was energetic enough, no peer was daring enough to touch her heart. She had none, and if there was one, it was made of stone.

The only thing Yukari cared about, if anything at all, was drinks, and the fact that they recognized her as just…Yukari. That was it. Anyone who was childlike and disrespectful of her own psyche and emotions was a Yukari.

Little did Yukari know…it was going to take an about-face when she least expected it.

Christmas Eve was when all the people in Tokyo were going up and down the malls to find that special present for that special someone. Christmas was not as widely celebrated as New Year's, or shogatsu, but nonetheless, it became more important as the Japanese state of mind soaked it in. A small set of clouds came over the Minato-ku skyline, and some birds were talking in the trees, devoid of leaves with the passing of autumn.

The door of Yukari's officer was closed. The stack of books was again overflowing, and was in dire need of being reorganized. But for Yukari, the word organization was as foreign as learning a language other than Japanese or even English. She ignored the concept, as she did ignore every lesson given to her in life.

Yukari was busy eating some corn chips she bought for her lunch a day ago. At the same time, she was peeking through the pages of an interesting manga series in Bengeki magazine called "Katsuyato!" "Hm?"

"Meri Kurisumasu, Yukari! Kami-sama save you!" cried a cheerful voice that was too familiar. It was her best friend since her high school days, Minamo Kurosawa.

"Oi," said Yukari. "Baka." She was feeling a little bit too cold from the lack of heating in the room, and continued reading.

"Christmas is a baka, Yukari? I'm sure you don't mean that. And that's the first time yo-u said something like that in front of me!"

"I do, and there is a first time for everything. Meri Kurisumasu, Nyamo. What right have you be merry, what right have you to be happy and gay (but not that way)? You're sober enough."

"Oh come on. What right have you to be stoic and angry all of sudden. You're drunk enough."

"I haven't drank any friggin' booze in a while, Nyamo. The last beer I had was two friggin' days ago." She finished off her terse mini-spiel with another "Oi, Baka."

"Now don't be like that, Yukari."

"Look, it's like this, Nyamo. Why the hell do- I have to live in a world of bonklers that purchase anything but booze for Christmas. They buy little chocolate boxes, stuff they need to go about their…_daily_ lives. What's Christmas time to you but a time for getting drunk without beer, a time for finding yourself a year older, but not an hour more faded, a time for buying six-packs upon six-packs of Kirin Light for that game between Jubilo and Urawa in front of 50,000 at the Tokyo Dome? See, if I can work my will," Yukari proclaimed indignantly, "every knucklehead that goes squawking the word 'Meri Kurisumasu' on his lips, should be burned to ashes, and used a seasoning for next year's turkey. Or something."

Nyamo pleaded the enthusiasm. "Yukari!"

"Nyamo," Yukari shot back, "you keep Christmas, whatever the hell it is, in your own way, and let me throw it out the third-story window of this school. Understood?"

"And how are you going to do that?"

"If you leave me alone, I'll demonstrate for you."

Nyamo began her spiel, "Yukari, there are a lot of things that I like, and Christmas is one of my favorites. I get to be with family, and treat my friends to dinner around town, and just enjoy life, without need for alcohol. Christmas is a time when everyone can get loose and open their hearts to the world and everything, and to that I say, Kami-sama bless it!"

The clerk who was working alongside her in the cubicle next door applaudingly, even raising a little hoot before going back grading papers.

"Let me hear another peep from you," Yukari said, "and you will spend your Christmas with a grade of an F in assisting the instructor." Turning to Nyamo, she said, "You're quite a good speaker Nyamo. I wonder why you never spoke in front of the Diet."

"Never had, never will."

"Huh."

"Look Yukari, I want you to dine with us and Eiko tomorrow Café Fribourg, the new Frech restaurant in Harajuku."

"Yeah, yeah, anything I can do for a knucklehead like you, Nyamo. But I have one question to ask you, my dear Nyamo."

"What…is it?"

"Why did you and that idiot Kensuke get engaged last week without me ever knowing it."

Nyamo blushed and turned behind her back. "Because I fell in love."

"Because you fell in love!?" Letting out a laugh that turned into a piercing screech, she said coldly, "Get out of my office."

"But Yukari, there's no need for you to get mad all of a sudden after I…"

"I said get out." Yukari pointed to the opened door.

"Look, Yukari, you can't just…"

"Get out. NOW."

Nyamo backtracked toward the door in horror. Quickly, she said. "I am sorry to have troubled you while you are working. But I will enjoy my Christmas, with or without you. So a Meri Christmas, Yukari!"

Yukari, slamming the door shut, yelled, "GET THE $#$ HELL OUTTA HERE DAMMIT!"

Nyamo then, after opening the door a little bit, said, "And a Happy New Year!" She closed it fast enough to prevent her from being choked and pummeled by Yukari, who was clearly steaming, as she always had been.


	2. Chapter 1b

An Azumanga Christmas Carol

Chapter 1b

"Do you really think we should do this?" a young girl with long dark brown hair asked to her taller partner in auburn and frames.

"Well, it's part of our duty as citizens to request donations from those whose hearts are willing to do so," she replied. "And this was all your idea to have us do this, Tomo Takino."

"You wanted to do it, too, right, Miss Former Tearful Little Diet Girl?"

Koyomi Mizuhara's glasses glinted like white brimstones under fire. "Tomo, one more peep out of you and I'll…"

"There's another brat," Yukari tersely muttered under her breath. "My clerk, with 1500 yen a day, and a husband and kids (or is it a wife? Ugh.), talking about a Meri Kurisumasu. Hmph, I'll retire to Kokomo."

She was still busy reading "Katsuyato!" when the two young ladies, dressed in brown frocks and black fedora hats stepped inside. "Oi, what do you want?"

"We represent the Royal Society of St. George, Tokyo branch," Koyomi replied. "Tanizaki and Kimura's office, I presume. Have I the pleasure of addressing Miss Tanizaki or Mr. Kimura?"

"Well, good afternoon to you two. Mr. Kimura, if you remember, died six years ago, this very day."

"I see."

"We have no doubt his perversion is well represented by his surviving partner," Tomo said gleefully. "Ouch!" She received a thick, tall bump in the head from her partner in this endeavor.

"Tomo, you know better than to say that."

"Shut up, Yomi!"

Yukari smirked a little bit. She knew these two ladies a bit, when they were students. And here they were, wasting their time, working for some charity she deemed meaningless to the bigger problem in her eyes, mind, and heart.

"Anyway," Koyomi continued, chokeholding Tomo, taking up a pen at the same time "At this time of the year, it is of the best interests of our organization that we should accommodate to the needs of those who are homeless, those who are unemployed, and those who are in desperate need. There are millions of people all over Japan who do not share the same standards of living as we are, Miss Tanizaki, and we would appreciate your assistance."

"Are there no sweatshops?" asked Yukari.

"Plenty of them," Koyomi said, letting go of Tomo.

"And the nightclubs and brothels," she asked again, "are they still in operation?"

"Indeed," Tomo replied, gaining some oxygen back. "I wish they weren't, though." Koyomi glinted back at her.

"The Homeless and Destitute Laws are off and running, then?"

"Both, yes," said Koyomi.

"Good."

"Because there is no hope and faith that they will succeed in mind, body or spirit, we are endeavoring to raise an annual charity fund to help accommodate these people. What donation will I put you down for, Miss Tanizaki?"

Yukari made a zero with her fingers. "Zero."

"You would like to be anonymous?"

"I want you to leave me alone. That is my final answer. I do not make myself merry at a stupid holiday like this, and I can't afford to make those people you mention happy either. I only help to support those institutions I mentioned, and those who are badly off must follow their lead in those places."

"Those placed are why a lot of people commit suicide, Miss Tanizaki," Koyomi said tersely. "They cannot survive because they lack money, they lack hope, they lack faith…they lack everything."

"If they jump of bridges and buildings, that's their fault, and my blessing, because it helps make this damn country less crowded. Otherwise, I am not aware of that."

"But you are aware of that, right, Miss Tanizaki?"

"And I could give a rat's ass about that. It's enough for a woman to understand her own business-teaching meaningless information, and not to interfere while they are reading the latest edition of Bengeki Magazine. Goodbye, young ladies!"

"Well, that was a crappy effort from you, Yomi," Tomo teased. "Stupid, stupid, stupid!"

Yomi stretched her friend's face and body as the two of them walked out of the school. Ironically, that would be the only time they would fail to receive a donation.

Evening began to fall on the Tokyo skyline. Men and women from all corners of Japan, from tropical Okinawa in the south, to subarctic Hokkaido in the north, looked amidst the stalls, boutiques, and malls to find the perfect presents for their spouses. Some of them were watching on TV. Others were sleeping in. Some were playing in the snow, and those in the mountains were building Frosty upon Frosty, and whizzing down the sloped of the Japanese Alps. It was a festive occasion, and a cold and refreshing one, too.

On assignment to spread good tidings, a small group of student carolers went from office to office in the school, singing Christmas carols. At last the small convocation reached Yukari's office. The group, cleared their throats, then went a little different, "Lu la lu la piano wa sekai no yumesa, kuro kara ni MERODII…"  
Yukari, in a screeching rage of terror, chased the group out. "Get outta my office, you Orange-Lemon freaks!"  
The snow began to pour down on the Tokyo streets like sugar on sweet bread from heaven. The children who saw this rolled around, played in it, even made some harmless bombs out of the white, powdery water substance.

"Welp, Miss Sakaki," said Yukari, closing the book and putting away in her disorganized shelf, "I suppose you would like to work tomorrow all day, yes?"

"I…suppose so," said Sakaki, "if you want."

"But, you don't think me as an idiot for pay you for no work, right?"

"It only happens once a year, and other occasions."

"Bull! You people are supposed to work during Christmas! Me included. I want you to be here early tomorrow to help me out in the office. You got it?"

She blushed, then said silently, "Yes, Miss Tanizaki."

It was also unusual for Yukari to have her car fixed, after wear and tear. Being a seasoned teacher of so many years resulted in so many benefits. She pondered a little bit about the fact that her car was in tip-top shape for once. Home she went, without any problems. A rarity, but perhaps a serendipity, for such a wild, angry woman like Yukari.  
As she went inside, she treated herself to a TV dinner bought 4 days ago at a local convenient store. Coupled with a can of Kirin Draft in a huge stash in her refrigerator, it was the perfect opportunity to watch some entertainment shows.  
The idols named were Yuki Kasunaga and Akari Ueda, and they were just starting out as the duo Pooftan. Their hit song on the charts was "Himitsu no Shine On," and it was performed before a full house on TV. Groaning, Yukari surfed. And surfed. And surfed. Weather. Three dramas. A bikini episode for the male sex pigs, and there were many of them. A rerun of Sailor Moon. This one she snuck a peek at for quite a bit  
Yukari smirked a little bit. She worked with students who were talking about a blonde airhead that was a complete failure at all she did, and ended up making a big difference in her world, five times over. Yukari pondered her fantasy of being superhero, but her personality made Usagi Tsukino look like a civilized individual, with little hitches to spare.

A few hours later, she turned off the TV, dressed in her pink pajamas, and went to sleep, her mouth open. "Goawayyoufrigginsluggsanduhout…" she grumbled. Sometimes Yukari would involve herself in the most bizarre dreams ever. In one dream, she dreamt that she was this android that would speak languages only the people of planet Klingon would comprehend, though vaguely. Another vision saw her running down endless flights of stairs, only to see the stairs turn into a slide, which became her evil eye. The list of bizarre hallucination Yukari had in her life were so much, it was significant part of her character today.

But nothing would be more bizarre than what would unfold.

Knock-knock. "Go away you," she grumbled, covering the sheet over her. She had gotten a little chilly.

The rapping grew louder. KNOCK-KNOCK. "I said go away, dammit," she said. And then a creak on the door. "WHAT DO YOU WANT!?" she yelled, rising from her bed.

The TV turned on, and off, on, and off, as if to recognized, "Look's like Kimura's ghost. Uh oh. She's in for it now…"

Yukari paled, and shivered. She had never seen the likes of someone like this before. A ghost in the form of a familiar school teacher, dressed in a shirt, shorts, and slippers. He was dragging a long chain that had countless ero-ero magazines attached to it, and he looked very unclean, as if he had rolled in a mixture of talcum power and compost at the dump some number of miles from the city. His mouth was open, and he was wearing a thick pair of spectacles.

Yukari, still paling, said as slowly as ever, "What do you want?"

"A lot!" the ghost said. It sounded like…it was him.

"Who the hell are you?"

"Ask me who I was, beautiful."

"Beautiful!? God…" Yukari facefaulted a bit. "Who were you then? You look…sorta familiar…and dirty, too."

"In life I was you partner in teaching with Miss Kurosawa, Mr. Kimura."

"Oh God. Can you sit down?"

"Oh yes."

"Well? Do it."

Taking a seat from the living room, Mr. Kimura's ghost sat down, his mouth still wide open. He adjusted his spectacles, and fixated them on Yukari's big…

"They've gotten bigger. You look more beautiful now than I ever imagined." Perhaps the alcohol had enhanced them in a way.

"EHHHH!? Get out, you damn perverted ghost!" Hyperventilating, she pointed to the door that was still open, and was welcoming a fresh winter wind.

"Oh no, Yukari," Kimura's ghost said. "I won't. Because you don't believe in me."

"No," Yukari pouted, "Why should I?"

"Besides seeing me, and hearing me, what other evidence would you have that I am here, in front of you?"

"I'm…not sure."

"And why would you doubt you senses."

"Because, you know," Yukari said in a flash, "a little thing affects them. A glass of wine, a bottle of bear, three shots of vodka, an injection of jelly from my college days…" Giggling hesitantly, flailing, she said with a fake laugh, "There's more of dirty than of dirt about you, whoever the heck you are! Ahahahah, ahahaha!"

"You are very pathetic when it comes to jokes," the ghost said, face in his hand.

"And you, of all…_things_, to come on in here while I'm trying to get some sleep for tomorrow…Baka, I tell you, BAKA!"

Kimura's ghost let out a scream that shook the house, causes the trees to rustle, and even knocked a few telephone poles down. Even the neighborhood cats were cowering in fear at the wrath of this apparition.

"My god…what the hell are you doing, screaming at a time like this?" asked Yukari, on her knees, starting to shed a few tears.

"Woman and teacher of the drunken mind," Kimura's ghost boomed in a loud voice, "do you believe in me or not?"

Suddenly, out of normalcy, Yukari got on her feet and became calm in a second. It was so out of nature to be like Scrooge. Yukari was…Yukari, and it had to be that way. "Yeah, yeah, I do, Mr. Kimura. But why the heck are apparitions like you going around here? And why in the world are you coming to me?"

"This is what I have to do, since I am dead," Mr. Kimura said, "I could have lived longer, but woe is me to be like this toward you, my happiness, gone from me!" He raised another roar of agony.

"And," Yukari said, saking, "what are those chains and books you're wearing?"

"Oh this? This the chain I forged in life. Made link by link, yard by yard, book by book. Does this look weird to you, Yukari Tanizaki?"

She shook her head from side to side. "No, except that those book are…" She couldn't find the words, but managed to get out of her mouth, "material that would be offensive to my students."

"But your chain, it is large and heavy too. You have worked on this too, Yukari."

"My chain?" Yukari was on her knees. She didn't want to carry around a chain the weight of a two-ton pickup truck, perhaps even heavier. "Mr. Kimura, please, say this isn't so. Please!"

"I have none to give, Yukari, it comes from things beyond my control. You see, it my life, my spirit never wandered beyond the classrooms. In my life, my spirits never wandered beyond narrow limits of this important thing in out lives we called education, and that we have taken for granted, especially you!"

Yukari got up, and looked at him. "Six years dead…traveling all the time?"

"Oh yes, Yukari. No rest, no peace, nothing but remorse and retribution."

"You move very quickly, Mr. Kimura,"

"I can go around the world in less than a minute."

"You must have made Jules Verne very jealous." The spirit raise another scream, Yukari paled, with a sweatdrop on her head. "Was that…a bad joke?"

"That was a very bad joke! And a mockery to literature, even!"

"I was just trying to say…that you were a very good man of business, Mr. Kimura," Yukari said, with a hesitant laugh again.

"Business!?" Kimura said. "Education was my business. My love wife was my business. Swimsuits, pool water, adult magazines….HIGH SCHOOL GIRLS were my business!"

The specter began to cry, on its knees. "There, there now," Yukari said, laying a comforting hand to her fallen friend. She was surprised she could touch it, instead of her hand going through. "We still remember you as one of the most…weirdest teachers in your day, I guess."

The ghost whipped the beckoning hand, and in a cold voice said, "Do not touch me, you fool."

"What the hell? I was trying to cheer you up!"

"My time is almost finished here."  
"What…are you saying?" Yukari began to pale a bit again.

"I am here tonight to warn you, that you have a chance of escaping my fate, and I hope you take my advice, Yukari."

"You were a good (though weird) friend to me," Yukari said. "Thank you!"

Slightly nodding as if to suggest she met him close to halfway, Kimura's ghost said, "You will be haunted by Three Spirits."

Yukari shivered again. How many times she had shivered were too many to count tonight. The cold air had something to do with it. "Is this what you are talking about, me escaping your fate?" Yukari said.

"Yes."

"But I don't want to lose any more sleep than I am losing right now!"

"Well, Yukari, you have to do this, so that you won't have to be like me."

With a gruff, Yukari said, "Whatever."

"Expect the first Spirit to come when the clock tolls one."

"Can't I just have them all come to me at once, and have it over with, Mr. Kimura?"

"No."

She rolled her eyes. "Aw, crud."

"Expect the second when bell tolls Two. The third one will come at his own convenience. I will see you hopefully far from now, and I hope you remember what has happened tonight. With a glint, and a smile, he said, "Bye, beautiful." He closed the door, and wandered off into the air, into nothing.

Yukari fell onto her knees, hyperventilating. "Damn that Kimura…ghost or no ghost, he is one crazy person." She fell flat on the floor, and was so exhausted from what happened, she fell asleep again.

Of course, there was one person in the whole world crazier than Mr. Kimura. And Yukari was the only one in the world oblivious to recognizing who that person was.


	3. Chapter 2a

Note: Some AU/OOC will be in order.

An Azumanga Christmas Carol

Chapter 2a

Yukari was still snoozing. The teacher who had gone through so many mid-life crises, only to snuff them out with an "Oi, Baka," was still snoozing. On a whims she listened for the hour. Not like she cared, but for the first time in her life, she was afraid on the inevitable coming too soon. Amazing for a first time.

Looking at her alarm clock, Yukari watched it rapidly go from six, to seven, to eight all the way to twelve. "Eh? My clock's not working. Damn piece of crap." She laid it back in its place and went back to sleep. In his fleeting slumber, the thought of Kimura's ghost continued to penetrate her mind. She was thinking silently if this was a dream or not. Yukari remembered Kimura, and knew that in spite of his quirks, he was a very good teacher, but to have his life taken away, in some way, it was like shrapnel tearing at her insides. No, it must be the ghost. Shrapnel talking to her? Yukari wrestled these thoughts in her head.

Then the chimes rang, followed by an hour bell. "DONG!" At that point, Yukari woke up slowly, to the sight of light flashing up in the room. Yukari was amazed at what she saw.

It was a figure that looked too familiar, but yet too different. It was womanlike, and its hair was arranged in twin light brown ponytails, and the face bore a rather smug countenance, but also gentle and welcoming. Its skin was white, thought slightly tanned, as if it had been throwing itself to the sun for so long, the arms and legs were long and muscular, and its bosom was, rather, developed well enough for it to reach motherhood. The dress it wore was a white tunic, almost like a miniskirt, around its waist was a belt of solid gold, and it dress was trimmed with white daisies and sunflowers. The spirit held a branch of holly in its right hand, and a peace sign on its left. It was smiling rather brightly.

Yukari knew this figure was familiar. She had grown to be a young, beautiful girl. She then whispered, "Ch-Ch-Ch…Chiyo-chan?"

The spirit shook its head, saying in a rather British-like tone, "No, my name is not Chiyo."

"Then you are…the Spirit that was going to come here?"

"Mmm-hmmm."

Yukari was amazed at the sight. This figure, which could pass for a former student that was one of the most academic alumni ever, once a penguin, always a liability in the sports festivals with a certain girl from the Kansai, was in front of her. "Who, and what, are you?"

"I am the Ghost of Christmas Past."

"Long past?"

"Nope. Your past."

Yukari studied the figure, as if to say, "Jesus Christ, I wanted to get some sleep, and now someone who looks like the super-cute child prodigy is waking me up at this time of night. What do you want?"

The Spirit, reading her mind, said, "I am here to show you who you were, for your own sake now. Come on, Miss Yukari, let's take a walk!"

"O…okay…" Yukari took the Spirit's hand, and they were both rising. Yukari, trembling, said, "I don't wanna fall!"

"Hold my hand tight," she said, "and off we go! Wheeee!"

As she spoke those words, they passed through the wall, and were on a road, many miles away from Tokyo. In fact, the Tokyo scenery was nowhere to be seen. There was only snow, and some trees, and even a few mountains.

"Do you remember this place?" the Spirit asked Yukari, as they walked along the road.

It took her only a few seconds, but Yukari realized where she was. Her eyes began to widen as her lips began to quiver.

"Your lips are trembling," the Spirit said. "Do you remember?"

"I could walk through this place with my eyes closed," Yukari replied.

"Well, well, how's that for forgetting it for so long! Come on, let's go."

Yukari was a little bit surprised that this Spirit was walking like a toy soldier, even spinning a little bit as the two of them went on their way. Maybe that would be an idea for the next big doll: a Chiyo-chan Barbie™. The concept was swiftly brushed aside as Yukari recognized every house, tree, and izakaya. She even saw one izakaya that her parents used to socialize at. The girls and boys dressed in winter kimonos were playing in the snow, and music could be heard around every corner. It was a small town, after all.

"Remember, these are shadows of what were," reminded the Spirit. "They don't know who we are."

As Yukari saw each of the travelers, naming them one by one, they stopped by an elementary school. In the classroom, a little girl with long brown hair was sitting down on a chair, looking straight at the blackboard.

"It looks like a little girl is left along, alone, all, all alone, still," the Spirit said. Yukari knew who that person was, and sobbed.

The two of them continued going around the town, and they stopped at what looked like a deserted house. Inside, Yukari saw her apparent younger self, reading a story from Arabia. Suddenly, what looked like a foreigner from that place (or was it Lebanon) appear outside the window of the house. He wore a bullwhip on his belt, and a huge grin with bared teeth, pearly white. Not only that, he was flexing his muscles like a bodybuilder of the modern era.

"Oh my god, it's Sheik Yerbooti!" Yukari exclaimed with a squeal. "It's the one and only Sheik Yerbooti! One Christmas, when that little lonely girl was left her all alone, he did come, just like that, and swept her off her feet. Poor girl!" She noticed two guys running down the hall. "And Kei and little brother Shinsuke, look out, there they go. And what's her face, who was put down in the carriage, asleep, at the Gate of Ding-Dang-Dong, don't you see her! And the Cherry Bomb turned upside down by the genie, there she is upon his head. Serves her right. What business had she to be married to Ben Doba!"

The Spirit laughed hesitantly, "Eheheheh…" She didn't know what Yukari was trying to say, but she assumed she understood what she was talking about. Or perhaps she was excited in the thrill in the moment, remembering what had happened.

In a split second, Yukari said, "I wish this could have happened again…but it's too late."

The Spirit, who smiled, said, "Okay, let's see another Christmas!" She waved her hand, and the former self of Yukari grew larger.

"Where are we now?" Yukari asked the Spirit.

"Look." They were back at the school, but this time, a young boy, dressed rather smartly, too smartly for Yukari's taste, came forward. He threw his arms around Yukari and kissed her several times, saying, "I have come to bring you home, sister! Home, home, home!"

Wiping her face, smiling, the girl said, "Home, little Rei?"

"Yep. Mom and Dad are so cool this year. Dad asked me if I should bring you home, and I said, 'Sure,' and he sent me in a taxi to bring you over here. So now we're off and going for one hell of a Christmas, my dear sister!"

"Man, I can't wait. Let's go!"

Voices down the hall said, "Bring down Master Tanizaki's box, there," and Yukari's homeroom teacher shook hands with her. Nodding, The younger Yukari carried Rei on her back as the two of them headed for the taxi. The two of them waved good bye as they got on the taxi, speeding off for the Tanizaki household.

Yukari and the Spirit watched the car drift by, and the Spirit said, "He was a kind person, but he had a huge heart."

"No kidding," she agreed.

"Died a man, and had children."

"One child," returned Yukari.

"True, and he was a younger brother of your friend!"

Yukari internalized this, saying, "Yep." Minamo Kurosawa did have a younger brother. Yukari shed a few tears a little bit, in semi-bitter remorse.

End Part 2a


	4. Chapter 2b

NOTE: A little deviation and profanity don't hurt no one, ne? Kagura, retired from swimming to the workforce…days gone by, days gone by.

An Azumanga Christmas Carol

Chapter 2b

By this moment, Yukari and the spirit left the school behind them, and they were in what seemed like an office in Tokyo. Outside the office building, people were moving in and out, out and in. It was Christmas time again, but it was evening, and the streets were lit up. But seeing lit up streets at night were nothing new to Tokyo. They had been turning up the neon ever since the first tube was brought there. Or was it made there? It was up to history to answer that question. The corporate logo was as domineering on the building as the door windows and the billboards that surrounded it: MediaWorks.

"I remember this place," Yukari said to the smiling spirit. "Before I became an English teacher, I was an office lady."

"And what an officer lady you were, Miss Yukari," said the spirit, "eheheh."

As the two of them went in the suite, they saw a woman wearing a conservative blue outfit and hairstyle. She was carrying a clipboard and pen, and was checking on her employees. Yukari, exclaiming at the idea, let out a squeal and a wide gasp.

"Why, it's Miss Kagura! Blees her heart, it's Miss Kagura alive again!"

"You remember," acknowledged the Spirit.

Kagura went back to her desk, laid down the pen, and looked at the clock. 5:58. She knew that something was going to happen just down the road within an hour and a half. Calling out in a laid-back, but businesslike tone:

"Yo yo yo, Yukari, Takeshi!"

Yukari's former self, now a young woman fresh out of college came out of her cubicle to Kagura's desk, accompanied by his taller, more robust apprentice. He had slightly spiked hair, with glasses and a beard.

"That's Takeshi Takeda," acknowledged Yukari. "There he is. He was a very close sidekick of mine's, was Takeshi-kun. Poor Takeshi. We used to call him Jumbo because he was so tall."

"Hey, you two," Kagura said as they went inside her office. "No more work tonight. You guys did a wonderful job, I'm treating you to a couple of tickets to see Ayumi Hamasaki, live in concert, at the Tokyo Dome. And we have front-row seats."

Yukari and Takeshi were wide-eyed at the opportunity. "You mean," Yukari said, "we get to be in front of Ayu?"

"Yep," confirmed her boss.

"Oh man, I can't wait," Takeshi said, fist in the air. "But how are we going to get there?"

"We'll go in my car. We also have VIP parking, since we're from MediaWorks."

Yukari and Takeshi bowed their heads, fake tears swinging from their eyes. "Yeah…" MediaWorks was once of the largest companies in promoting entertainment and employed some of the best mangaka in the business. It was a little bit off-kilter for Yukari to start working at a position like this, before becoming a teacher.

"Come on," Kagura said, "let's go!"

"Yeah!" said the other two, taking their belongings, and walking downstairs to Kagura's rather shiny green Aston Villa.

"How are we going to get to the Tokyo Dome from here?" asked the older Yukari to the Spirit.

Frowning, and putting in a rather questionable expression, the Spirit said, "Miss Yukari, I'm the Ghost of Christmas Past. I can take to anywhere…" She waved her hand and finished, "…in your past."

Yukari looked at her surroundings. She couldn't believe it. They were at the Tokyo Dome, and the concert was starting. Pitch black, and then, a young woman dressed in white, looking like a total American, stood on stage, the lights were on her. The crowd was roaring as she made her way on stage. She began her song, after the guitar began a little riff, "Saa ryoute wo hirogete , Isshoni te wo tataite arukou , Hashiridasu toki ni wa, Koko e kite kyou ni hajimeyou…"

Yukari was mesmerized as the main melody got kicking to the roar of the crowd. "Ayu…" She and the spirit watched as Takeshi, the younger Yukari, and Kagura swayed their arms to the music, in the bliss of the Hamasaki Republic. The audience had their fill, eating hot dogs, hamburgers, sushi, and loads of sake and beer. And just as fast as the calories were consumed, they were burned through grooving to the music. It was a complete orgy of melody, love and peace.

The concert lasted for about 3 hours, with 18 songs played, all written and composed by the woman herself. Ayumi was a tireless musician who was an entrepreneur all her own. She went through bouts of adversity, without compromising anything to be successful in her business. Kagura was a summer when sh8e was young, and the accomplishments and her drive were built upon as an employer for MediaWorks. She, perhaps, knew of her work ethic more than Yukari, or even Takeshi. The latter two were mere fans of her music. Ayumi's work ethic was the type of commitment she wanted from her employees, and as her two top guns in her branch, Takeshi and Yukari, were miles ahead of the game, a reward was in order.

When the last number, "Poker Face," finished playing, everyone but the three of them were left in their seats. Then, with a nod, they began to leave, Kagura with her arms around Yukari and Takeshi, one at her side, united together, laughing, talking, but without a stumble or a stutter.

During the course of the concert, Yukari was in her former self, a happy, sober, spirited girl, soaking in the past of days gone by, the concert, the music, Ayumi…She then remembered that the Spirit was next to her, and a sweatdrop could be seen, along with an embarrassed expression, and a little "Eheheheh…"

"That was one hell of a concert," said Yukari. "Wooo-woooooh!"

"Those folks were so full of excitement for so little," said the Spirit, looking at the empty stage.

"Little?"

"Why not little? She only spent money to entertain you, that's all, and not for something conventional."

"It isn't that. Miss Kagura had the power to make us happy or unhappy, our duties easyof hard. And having a conscience is better than losing it." Seeing the Spirit glancing with a slight scowl, she stopped.

"What is the matter?" asked the spirt?

"Oh, nothing, nothing," said Yukari.

"Well it must be something…"

"No, no, it's just…" Her pride got in the way. As always. "I just wanted to have a word with my clerk, that's all."

Closing her eyes and sighing, the Spirit shook her head, as if to say, "That's not what I wanted to hear." She then said out loud. "It's getting a bit late. Come on!"

"Huh?"

Yukari another image of herself, but this time, in her prime. She was in another pair of pajamas, dirty and unclean, and studying a bottle of sake. For some odd reason, this inanimate object could talk to her, The glint of the bottle shined off the light of the Ghost of Christmas Past.

The bottle silently said, "It matters little to you. Very little…another liquor has displaced me, and if it can cheer you and comfort you, as I tried to do, I have no reason to grieve."

"What liquor has displaced you?" she asked the bottle.

Without words, it said, "A golden one."

"Oh give me a break, my love! There is nothing on which it is so hard as being clean, and nothing so dedicated to bringing happiness as a can of Asahi!"

"You fear life too much," it said, soundless. "All your other hopes and dreams have merged into the hope of being beyond what can be done. They fall off, one by one, until the highest passion, Alcoholism, engrosses you. Haven't I?"

"What then?" retorted Yukari. "Even if I have grown up to be a hooligan in my new profession, what then? I am not changed toward you in any way. Am I?"

The bottle was still. And then it said in Yukari's head, "Our contract is an old one. It was made when we were both fresh and uncontaminated, to be so, until we could improve our fortunes by me bring consumed and abused. You _are_ changed. When it was made, you were another woman."

"No, I was a girl."

"Your emotions tell you that you are not who you are," the bottle continued in spirit. "But I am. What promised us happiness, is nothing more than misery and overconsumption, now that we are two. I have made up my mind, and so I release you."

"Release? Hold it, hold it. Now you're starting to make no sense? Have I ever asked to be released?"

"In words? No."

"Okay…in what?"

"In a changed nature, altered spirit, another facet of life or Hope, whatever you can make of it. If this had never been between us, would you want to win me out now? No way."

Yukari scoffed at the remark in her head. "You think not."

"I would gladly think the other way, but when I have learned a truth like this, it seems so irresistible, almost welcoming. But if you were free today, tomorrow, yesterday, or in a million years, can I even believe that you would choose an ageless, glass bottle of sake, who you weight everything by Alcoholism, or choosing to distribute to your friends and yourself in moderation? I do, and I realize you. With a full cap, for the love of her you once were."

Yukari tried to speak, but the bottle continued speaking for the last time. "You maybe hurt when I say this, but you will forget this as something that can be thrown out the three-story window of your school, a worthless dream and vision, from which you will never awake from. May you be happy in the drink you have chosen!"

Yukari, furious, grabbed the bottle, and said, "And may you be happy that I throw and smash you against the wall. Don't you bullshit with me again!" She flung the bottle of sake against the wall, and watched it disintegrated to minute shards of what it had been.

The older Yukari watched it unfold, and broke down in tears, screaming, "Spirit, please take me home. Please! I don't want to see any more of this crap happening before my eyes!"

"One more shadow," Chiyo said.

"No! Please, no! Dammit!" The Spirit still held Yukari's arms back as she saw what unfolded afterwards.

They were in a house that looked rather wealthy, and resembled Chiyo Mihama's estate. Actually, it was, but it went under a slight remodeling, and a new family moved in. The Mihama family had since moved to America. A man, woman, and a set of octuplets, aged 11 and older, four boys and four girls were having dinner. The odd thing was, the father was looking at a glass bottle of sake identical to the one Yukari destroyed in rage.

"Hey there my little bottle," he said with a grin, "I saw a friend of yours this afternoon."

The bottle, silent, said in the father's head, "Hmmm? Who?"

"Guess…"

The bottle remained still, as if to say, "Oh, I don't know big guy." And it glinted as he smiled. "Yukari Tanizaki."

"Yes, Miss Tanizaki it was. I passed by her cubicle at her school, I can hardly help seeing him. She told me that her partner was on the point of death, and she sat alone. Quite alone in the word I guess."

"Hiro-kun," the mother said, "who are you talking to?"

"Oh, just me and my bottle, Kana-chan."

"You're so silly." And they hugged and kissed. Some of the girls made some silly faces, to the boys' laughter and amusement.

Yukari was livid, and devastated. Tears could be seen from her eyes. "Spirit! Remove me from this place."

"Miss Yukari, these are just shadows of what have been. They are what they are, don't blame me!"

"Remove me from here, or I'll kill you! I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU DAMMIT! AAAARRRGGHHHH!!!"

The Spirit shrieked for mercy as it was being choked upon by an angry and hurt Yukari, who was crying, sobbing, and screaming in agony at the same time. It soon dropped beneath it.

Yukari then became exhausted by the turn of events, as the choking was nothing more that a bedsheet. She then sank into a heavy sleep, still crying, saying, "I'll kill you…Chiyo-chan…"

Somewhere on the other side of the Pacific, perhaps in the Orange County, one girl with light brown hair locked in ponytails and a miniskirt, whose prodigal mindset and gorgeous, slender build become flooded with California overtones and a tan, felt a sudden chill up her spine.

"What is it, Chiyo?" her friend said in a tone that reminded him he was from Santa Barbara on a holiday. A Christmas holiday. At the mall.

She closed her eyes, and then giggled hesitantly with a sigh. "Oh, nothing. It's nothing, really."

End Part 2b


	5. Chapter 3a

Note: For intensive purposes, we will give Sakaki a first name, "Rie," as per the advice of one Pete Zaitcev in the past.

An Azumanga Christmas Carol

Chapter 3a

Yukari had to get her thoughts together as she sat up in her bed. The clock would soon strike Two, and she did not forget what was laid down toward her by the intervention of one Mr. Kimura. And yet there was a part of her that said that, no, it just won't happen. There will be no more ghosts ruining your sleep. No specters, no hooligans, nothing. Just get some shuteye already.

That was her mindset heading into the last few minutes until Two. As Yukari continues to wrestle these thoughts, a rather haunting voice, that sounded a bit countrylike, said out loud, "Miss Yukari…" Yukari trembled as she awoke from her rather brief slumber. Putting on her slippers still in her pink pajamas, she went into the other living room, and she was amazed at what she saw.

Her room had been cleaned up, a rarity for someone whose house looked like a pigsty from the inside. But this time, there was a huge gathering of food from all corners of the world. From hot dogs to sushi, to pierogis, to turkey, chicken, goose, fruit salad, curry,…literally every great holiday dish and dessert and beverage every country laid on the table was present. On the couch sat a young girl holding a torch, and she held it up, a shining ball of light. Actually, it was a plastic torch with a light bulb in a fake flame mold, but it did resemble the real thing so well, it was a satirical travesty. In th background, an instrumental version of a Yuki Matsuoka classic, "Shikkari! Try La Lai," could be heard.

"Hi, Miss Yukari," the spirit said. "Come on in!"

The face looked familiar. Yukari called the question. "O…O…Osaka?"

"That's not me. I am the Ghost of Christmas Present."

"Oh yeah…"

The spirit was clothed in one simple green robe that was bordered with silver fur and sparkles. Her feet were bare, and she was wearing a holy wreath, set with silver trinkets that each had the kana character A, with an exclamation point. Its dark hair flowed down in free locks, as free as its face, voice, demeanor, and charm. Around its waist was an antique scabbard which said, "Chaunen…" and the sheath was looking rather rusty.

"You haven't seen the likes of me before, Miss Yukari!" said the Spirit in her Kansai accent.

Yukari rolled her eyes, as if to say, "Um, yeah, when you were a student at my school."

"Huh?"

Yukari waved her hand, saying, "Oh, nothing, nothing." She then asked a question, "How many sisters do you have, Spirit?"

The Spirit pondered the question for a while, and then said, "Usoya! More than two thousand, I think."

"Two thousand?" The number was huge. How the heck does someone have that huge of a family?

"Yep," said the spirit, rising. "But it's weird if there are no brothers in my family, only sisters, you know? It's like, am I in some type of scenario Lilian Girls Academy (whatever that entity is) would be jealous of."

Yukari, bowing and shaking her head at the same time, said, "Spirit, do what you gotta do. I went forth last night learning about what had been, and learned a lesson from it. If you have something to teach me, let me get something out of it."

Smiling and waving a bit, she said, "Okay, then touch my robe."

She did so, and they disappeared from their room in the blink of an eye.

The two of them walked down the streets of Tokyo, now covered with snow. Very atypical for a town like Tokyo, to receive a blizzard, and to have the result become a true winter wonderland. 18 inches of snow fell down on the city, and it was only this time that the city's government sent out the big uglies to shovel the white, pure, fluffy substance of water and cold, as the children enjoyed the calm after the storm. A slight mist could be seen as the Tokyoites breathed out slight icicles. Yes, it was a very co-ld day.

Yukari could feel this as she shivered in the freezing temperature of night. The spirit, in the form of a green-clad Ayumu Kasuga, snapping her fingers, got her warm again. She couldn't feel a thing as she was able to walk down the street as if it were a regular April day.

Some were still window shopping, and other were making last minute purchases in Shibuya, going up and down for gifts. The eleventh hour had come full circle, after all. It was not too late…yet. In spite of the slightly ominous air, the spirit was up and running like a runaway freight train, and it was not going to stop any longer, until perhaps, the day when the Tokyoites drop by Akihito's vast palace in Chiyoda-ku.

And the neon lights-oh, the neon lights!-were still bright as ever, One light gave way to an ad about the next big show to hit the airwaves, _School Tumble_. It was a story about a klutzy girl infatuated over a person with no personality, and was hounded by a person with a scary personality, and who had friends that were so buxom, you'd swear a baby would come in as their present. Yukari snickered as she looked at the many cosplayers and gothic vamps still walking down the sidewalk. The plan was still going strong so far, and yet, for so long.

"Do you know where you bought that plastic torch?" asked Yukari as the two of them walked.

"The 100-yen shop," she said with a smile, "invisibly."

"Why _that_ shop?"

"It's cheap."

"Figures," said Yukari, rolling her eyes. "Spirit, I wonder if in the future, the drinking age should be lowered to 16, the working age will be lowered to 14, and the rich should get richer while the poor get poorer."

"Chaunen!" cried the spirit.

"You would make sure the sale of beer will flourish so great, it will be the staple of the Japanese diet, and will be used by athletes instead of water and that unsatisfying substance called sportsdrinks," said Yukari. "Will you?"

"Chaunen!" cried the spirit.

"You would make it a staple?" said Yukari. "Well, it comes to the same thing as the cream and the clear."

"Chaunen de!" exclaimed the spirit, frowning.

"Sorry if I'm wrong about that. These were just some random thoughts that came in my head. But I know it's been done in your name, right?"

"There are some people who don't know the truth behind such deeds," said the spirit, "and those that conduct such deeds are willing to pay the price in the afterlife, where there is no return and no remorse. Remember that: what goes around comes around."

Yukari internalized this, nodding. In the distance, the only sound that could be heard from the speakers high atop the town was a Japanese cover of an Anita Ward hymn known to the tuned world as none other that "Ring My Bell." But for some reason it had some sleigh bells in it, as well as an "ohohohoho" in the background, too. Perhaps Santa Claus had become a tad too…adverse? The neon lights seemed to go in time to the music…and the cowbells

Ah, but it wasn't a big deal for the two of them. For some reason, the Spirit swayed her arms to disco music. The melody continued as the two of them walked to Rie Sakaki's house. Rie Sakaki, Yukari Tanizaki's clerk at the school! She was a rather underpaid soul, was she, and yet, this ghost of Christmas Present dropped by, opening the door for Yukari to step inside.

It was a raucous place. Rie Sakaki and her "wife," Kaori Aida, lived together in the rather small, yet comfy place that was their home. Actually, the two of them lived together after Kaori's parents kicked her out, and Sakaki's parents passed away, leaving her to pick up the pieces. Of course she had bigger pieces to pick up when she became the legal guardian of a couple of girls from the Ayase family, Fuuka and Ena, as well as their two friends, Miura Hayasaka, and a rather frisky girl with green pigtails, Yotsuba Koiwai. She was the most spirited of the adopted and was touted by her now-deceased father as "The Invincible One." Kaori just shook her head at the proclamation. But it was true.

In short, this family was just working hard to make ends meet. And yet, they did it so well. Welfare was the family's Santa Claus in a check. Simple as that. Yukari knew this too. Or at least she tried to, while exercising her option called ignorance.

End Chapter 3a


	6. Chapter 3b

An Azumanga Christmas Carol

Chapter 3b

Kaori was not a big fan of Gaelic music, but that was the type of music Yotsuba was into at this moment. She was very curious of the world around her, and for some reason, today was the day that Gaelic music became her genre. Yukari and the spirit could hear the music of a band called Gaelic Storm. They were a band that originated in California, but where a majority of their members hail from England and Ireland. The interesting quirk to the infatuation was that Yotsuba's pigtails swayed to the music, too. Perhaps Yotsuba was really Irish? The family was left to assume where Yotsuba's true origins were, as her deceased father, too, was an adopted parent. Kaori and Sakaki were the second and third parents for her.

What also was in her little bedroom that she shared with Ena was a UFO catcher doll shaped like a certain girl with certain brown pigtails and a smile so equivalent to hers. She would play this doll with Juliana, Ena's little doll. Miura would also join in the fun, although he was more into the N64 set that was bought at the thrift shop. He had conquered Super Mario 64 65 times already, and he never got tired of swinging a lizard that spewed fire around and around like a record.

"Turn that down, Yotsuba,' the mother with the short hairdo said to her upstairs.

Fuuka, meanwhile, was Kaori's assistant in cooking, cleaning, and also doubled as a little bit of a nanny to the younger three kids. She was in her last year of high school, but she could not find a place to work yet. She hoped that her time would come very soon after Center exams. Perhaps with the placement in one of the tops universities in Japan she would pull the family out of a hole.

Kaori Aida, meanwhile, had given up on her college pursuit, and focused instead on being a housewife. She tried her hand at being an OL, but to no avail as she was fired after three weeks by someone fresher. Sighing, she prepared the ramen as Fuuka prepared the sushi and miso soup. They didn't have much, so they went with the cheapest, yet filling materials they could afford. They were struggling like you wouldn't believe. A sympathetic touch leapt out of Yukari's mind for a bit, even shedding a little tear.

"Dear god," Kaori said, looking around, "where is my Sakakikins? She should be here, with that darn cute cat Maya. He's such a cutesy sweetie-pie. And where's Asagi? She should be here by now!"

"Here I am, kaa-san," said a tall girl walking into the room, who was also adopted by Kaori and Sakaki. Asagi, Fuuka, and Ena Ayase's parents died in a car crash heading home 3 years ago, and since then, they had been making themselves at home at this small cottage which had the bare bones of luxuries.

"There's Ayase, kaa-san," Yotsuba and Ena said coming down the stairs. "Yay! Is the dinner ready yet, Asagi?"

"I'm not sure. Is it ready?"

"Not yet," Kaori said. "It will take a little longer to get it done. And Asagi! Thank goodness you're here. I was a bit worried."

"I just went outside to play in the snow with Miura, that's all."

"I see. Well, go ahead and kick back, the four of you. And keep that Irish music low, Yotsuba. You hear me?"

"Okay Mommy!" she replied in a high-pitched, spirited voice. Yukari let out a little "Awwww, she's my favorite," as the Spirit gave her a weird expression.

"Hey," Ena said, "Dad's coming!"

"You mean our other mom," Miura said, walking in, frowning with a pout. "I hate having two moms. It's so…haremous!"  
"Haremous…is that a real word?" Yotsuba asked.

"That doesn't matter," Ena shot back. "Quick, Asagi, hide!"

Asagi hid herself pretty well, at least nowhere from where Sakaki was seeing, when she walked in, donning her rather shabby, but decent business outfit of a long jacket, a blouse under a sweater, pants, and cheap Valerie Stevens shoes.

Maya was on her shoulder. The poor cat had a cast on its left arm, and could not move. He used to be a rather frisky kitten, going back when Sakaki was a high school senior. She had been with Maya ever since. But this time, he was hurt, and the cast made it hard for him to move. Sakaki had to carry him on her shoulder every time. He wasn't too heavy, but Sakaki had a very soft side for cats, Maya in particular. She didn't want to see cats hurt, and she loved Maya with all her heart and soul, as if he were another son. Maya rubbed his head on Sakaki's neck, and purred lovingly.

"Hey, my little Kaori," asked Sakaki to her wife preparing dinner, "where's Asagi?"

"Not coming," she replied rather solemnly.

Sakaki was stunned. "Not coming? Not coming on Christmas Day!?" Sakaki was on the brink of tears when Asagi went over and hugged her taller mother, who laughed rather brightly. The large wok of fried chicken could be heard hissing and crackling on the stove, as well as a small pizza made from scratch. Even though there were only 7 pieces of the bird prepared and made, all of them thighs, it was barely filling enough to support this starving clan.

"And how did little Maya behave, my little Sakakirino?" Kaori said, leaning over for a kiss.

"As good as ever," she replied, returning a kiss back and smiling, "and much better. He always meows for his lunch, and he also seems to enjoy the grass on our lawn. God, she loves our grass so much, it her food source every day. He hoped that people saw him in our temple, because he was a crippled pet, and that it might be pleasant to them to remember Christmas Day, who made kitten purr for pleasure, and dogs lick for fun. God, that's so awesome." She let out a rather girlish sigh as she blushed in joy.

Kaori let out a sweatdrop as she laughed in slight embarrassment. This was the first time Sakaki let out her emotions this much. Normally she was restrained every day. But when the holidays came calling, nothing but fun, fun, fun came from her lips. And nothing was held back.

Ena took Maya and placed him on a pillow, where he was fed with his dinner. He munched with a smile, Fuuka and Yotsuba taking the chicken and setting it on a plate with the pizza. It wasn't high quality chicken, but it has some flavor and taste, and that and the pizza were bought from the freezer section of a small supermarket on the outskirts of town. Miura set the chairs as the others took the other dishes-the sushi, miso soup and ramen-and placed them on the table. Asagi also took the silverware and plates and set them in the American banquet arrangement…or at least she tried to.

At last, everything was set, and the family took their seats. Saying grace (the family had converted to the Catholic faith, though Yotsuba considered becoming Mormon or Presbyterian before following suit) became a mainstay before each meal, and then everyone took a piece of the chicken, which was met with rather bright admiration and applause.

And then the pizza! Oh, and how flavorful and great the pizza was. Though it was small, each and every one of the family took a piece, and a simple combination of the crust, tomato sauce and mozzarella was good to suffice smiles from everyone's face, even Master Yotsuba's. Her face rendered a slight mess in her consumption, too.

After dinner was done, the family drank from a bowl a punch that Kaori made with Fuuka and Asagi's help. The base: fruit punch and water. The other ingredients: cinnamon, peppermint, nutmeg, lemon slices, orange juice, and a kettle to heat the concoction of Wassail up. There was more than enough to go around, but Yotsuba drank up a good deal of the Wassail punch.

"A Meri Kurisumasu to everyone, my dear Kaori, Kami-sama bless us!"

Maya meowed loudly as the family echoed in unison.

"Kami-sama bless us, minna-san!" Yotsuba added spiritedly.

"Spirit," said Yukari, in a hurried notion of slightish panic, "tell me if Maya will live."

Putting her hands on her head and concentrating as if she were making a charm to protect her, the Spirit then said, "I see a vacant pillow, in the corner of the living room, and a cast, preserved, intact. If these shadows remain unchanged by the future, the cat will die."

Yukari, taken back said, "Son'na! Please Spirit, say he will live."

"If this is unchanged by the Future, which is beyond my control, my race will find him here. Besides, he's probably best thrown off a bridge or a building to make the country less crowded!"

Yukari hung her head. "Crud. Just crud. My words….they backfired on me."

"Miss Yukari," the spirit said, "if you know better, you can't be saying that type of stuff if you don't really know what crowded is, and where it mostly takes place. Are you going to be the one that decides who shall live or die by their leaps from high places? Well?" Yukari was silent. "You know what? If that's the case, Miss Yukari, you sure aren't fit to live better off than this poor pika-meow-meow that you're seein'!"

Yukari paled out, and trembled even more. Her words to those St. George girls _really_ backfired on her this time. And she had no one to blame but herself.

"Miss Yukari," said Sakaki, holding a glass, "To Miss Yukari Tanizaki, the Founder of our Feast!"

"The Founder of the Feast my ass," said Kaori, her fist clenched. "I wish I had her here. I'd give her a piece of my sucker punch to feast upon, and I hope she had a good appetite for some blood!"

"Kaori-chan, the children? Christmas Day?"

"Oh, it sure should be Christmas Day…on which one drinks to the health of someone so intoxicated, insane, and emotionally unacceptable to society as Yukari Tanizaki," Kaori ranted. "I don't even know why you had to work for her again, Rie! You should have worked for some other teacher, or worked in a cubicle."

"But…Christmas Day…"

As Sakaki and Kaori got on a small one-sided argument, Ena asked Fuuka, "Hey, who's this Yukari Tanizaki?"

Fuuka replied, "Oh, her? She's a high school teacher that teaches at this very high-class school not too far from here. Our moms were former students of hers, and living alumni."

"Oooooh!" said Yotsuba, eyes widening and sparkling with glee. "She must be one fun teacher."

The Asagi sisters rolled their eyes, saying in unison, "You'd think…"

"Huh?"

Fuuka added, "Actually, she's one scary teacher. She's like a witch."

"Oooooh…I love witches…BOOGIDY BOOGIDY BOOO!" Fuuka and Ena laughed embarrassingly.

"Excuse me," Miura said, drinking more punch, "but did I miss something?"

The girls said, "N-n-nothing!"

"Oh."

Kaori ended the one-sided argument, saying, "I'll drink to him for you sake and the day's, but not for hers. Long life to her. A Meri Kurisumau and a Happy New Year. She'll be very merry, happy, and whatever, that's for sure!"  
The children drank the toast silently, Maya lapping a little of the punch that remained. The night was left for Kaori and Sakaki to talk about stories. "Say Yotsuba-chan," Sakaki said, "have you ever thought about being an idol?"

"Idol? What's that?" she asked.

"It's a popular person that sings, makes records, and has a cool, cute image," Ena said. "Idols rock!"

"Funny," Miura said, "I thought they were cute high school girls wearing nothing but bras and pantsu!" He received a huge bump in the head from Mother Kaori for saying that. Nonetheless, his nose was in due need of a fixing, as it was losing blood like a river. He only smiled as his pride was swimming in the gutter like a wandering three-eyed fish.

"Well, anyway," Sakaki said, "do you want to be an idol, Yotsuba-chan?"

Her eyes widened. "OK!" The family laughed at the remark. High ambitions, at least for this family, were harder to come by. As well as better clothes. The wardrobe they had was decent, but was in due need of as makeover, as well as a washing down.

The hour grew dark as the snow continued to pour down on the Tokyo streets. The music was still playing. A distant techno tune by a not-so-recognized band in the past called Animotion began blaring from the speakers. People were rolling in the snow on the sidewalks, and more snowmen could be seen around every corner.

Yukari and the Spirit, without warning, now stood in a dark and polluted part of Tokyo, where advertisements for rather beautiful girls were advertised for sex, and where men upon men spent their money on, some betraying old partnerships for new ones, all for the befriending demon called lust.

"What place is this?" asked Yukari

"A place where Gentlemen of all persuasions, young and old, come to be entertained," the Spirit said, "But they know who I am. Take a look!"

Inside one of the clubs, a young girl, 13 years of age, wore nothing more than a red bikini bedecked with white fur and sparkles. The guys let out a wild howl as the young girl gyrated and sat on one of the guys, who lost blood so bad, he immediately was taken to the hospital on a gurney. She only smiled as she began to take off her top in front of the guys, exposing her developed…

As the men whose minds were mashed in the sewer continued howl and lose more erythrocytes, Yukari held on to the Spirits robe, and soon after, was found standing on the rocks of a port many miles away from the city. The night, combined with the loud thrashing of waves, lightning and thunder, became a deafening book in Yukari ears. She became frightened at the sight and wonder of such a horrible place.

Two men, walking on the jagged beach, wished each other a Merry Christmas as they drank cheep bootleg liquor from China. Actually, it tasted much like moonshine. Heck, it was.

The Spirit continued on as they were back on land, next to a rather chic building. What Yukari did not realize was that inside the building, a few people were talking in the hatch below. The building was, of course, Café Fribourg.

Nyamo was laughing crazily, "Bwahahahahahah! She said that Christmas was a baka, and she believed it, too!"

"More shame for her, Minamo-chan!" Yukari's nephew said blatantly as he laughed along. He was a tall, stocky, yet slender figure. He was a man that was waiting to have a partner. A slicked-back hairdo, a small soul patch, a mouth was waiting for its first kiss…he was every girl's dream, and they did not know it.

"Yukari's a pretty funny person, and yet, she's not as pleasant to be with. But what she does, she has to pay, and that just how it goes."

"Well, she has a lot of alcohol on her shelf. At least that's what I heard."

"Whatever, darling. Her booze is of no use to her. It doesn't do her good. And she doesn't think we're gonna benefit from it, either."

"But Minamo, you drink too, right?" said Eiko, sipping wine.

"Well, not as much as Yukari. She drinks to excess. Every friggin' day!"

"I have no patience with someone like her." Yukari's other nephews agreed with this. Yukari had 4 nephews to her credit, all sober, nodding. At least until they sipped some Cabernet Sauvignon from the San Joaquin Valley.

"Well I do," defended Nyamo. "I feel so bad for someone like Yukari! Who suffers by her own ignorance? Her, of course. And she takes it into her heart to not like us, and not come and dine with us."

"Well," Eiko said, "She does lose a very good dinner." The nephews agreed.

"I'm glad to hear it," Nyamo said, "because I haven't gotten great faith in these young, middle-aged chefs. What do you say, Monsieur Tetsu?"

Tetsu, the Osakan chef waited who had a French tone to what he said, had gotten an eye on one of the sister of Scrooge's nephews who had rather large…She blushed a little bit, for she was a virgin. "Anosa…"

"Do go on, Minamo," Yukari's nephew interrupted, "He never finishes what he begins t say. He's such a bonklish fellow!"

"Bonklish!?" Nyamo exclaimed. "Where did you find the type of word?"

"The Dictionary Straight To Your Heart." The group laughed at the remark. Nyamo blushed.

She then said, "I was only saying that the result of Yukari now having dinner with us is losing some rather…good times, which are by no means important to her. I am sure she also loses some very good friends. And yet, I give her the same chance to have her dine with us, whether she like it or not. I pity Yukari, really. If she can allow to leave her fellow assistant 5,000, even 10,000, yen, that would be something, and I think I got her to do that yesterday."

"Sure you did," one of Yukari's other nephews said, as the rest of them laughed as well.

After their dinner, a small band played some rather classic enka tunes, with a vielle, a fiddle, and some good harmony. Tetsu, who didn't have much of a voice, joined in, and after that, a karaoke session came into place. Actually, Tetsu had a voice that would make Raffi Cavoukian cry like a baby in Antibes.

Nyamo outdid the competition in karaoke. She didn't know why she would be able to do something like unleashing such a sweet, angelic tone. A young man's nose might bleed profusely at the sound of something as lyrical as Nyamo's singing. It was a wonderful scene.

"Please, oh kind and loving spirit, can I stay?" asked Yukari.

"Sorry, but I can't do that," she responded tersely, shaking her head.

An hour into the karaoke session, Nyamo replied, "Miss Yukari has amused us to the point that I can die laughing. And it would be disrespectful not to drink to her health. To this beer, we raise a toast to your Aunt Yukari!"

"To Aunt Yukari!" they cried.

"A Meri Kurisumasu and a Happy New Year to the little hag, whoever she is," said Yukari's niece. "I could care less, but here's to Aunt Yukari!"

"TO AUNT YUKARI!" cried the congregation.

Yukari would have thanked them in spirit, but it was over in the flash of an eye, and she and the ghost were again on their travels.

Yukari and the Spirit trudged on, navigating the rest of Asia, Africa, and perhaps Europe in a flash. People in villages dying, but still happy. Soldiers from a nation viewed by the rest of the world as tyrants celebrating amidst gunfire. UNICEF, the Red Cross and Red Crescent donating food and gifts to the disabled and destitute. As they returned back to Tokyo, Yukari noticed that the Spirit's hair had turned grey.

"Do Spirits like you have short lives?" asked Yukari.

"Yes, and they are very brief," she replied. "Mine's ends tonight."

"Tonight?"

"Yes, at midnight. The Hour is drawing near."

"Oh, and pardon me for asking, but there seems to be something hanging from your skirts. Is it a kid, or a vegetable?"  
"Actually, it may be something else." She the two items, which looked dirty, ragged, dismembered on the verge of being disintegrated. Yukari was stunned at such an unusual, and yet so appalling, sight.

"Spirit," Yukari said, starting back, are these yours?

"These are Everybody's." The Ghost then gave a stoic explanation that turned into a proclamation made for Hollywood. "See this hawk? This is Violence. And this rotten eggplant here? This is Lust. Fear them both! Fear, fear, fear! But most of all, beware this Hawk, for it says on its right wing the number 666, and on its left wing the word Armageddon. Deny this!" She outstretched her hands, still holding the items. "Slander those who bring these to you! Admit that this is what you do, and you add more to the bigger problem, and wait for the end of the world to come! Fear it! Fear Fear Fear!!! Ahahahahahahaah!"

"Don't they have a place for them to go!?" cried Yukari, tears streaming down her eyes.

"Are there no sweatshops? Are there no nightclubs and brothels?"

"No, my words backfired on me like I'd never believe," she said, as the ghost laughed wildly again into the wind, and it disappeared.

The bell struck twelve. Yukari realized the prediction Kimura's ghost laid on her and lifting up her eyes, a giant white flattened plush cat with big, yet ominous black eyes and a mouth come forward, raising its right hand silently.

End Chapter 3b


	7. Chapter 4a

An Azumanga Christmas Carol

Chapter 4a

The white plush cat that floated in midair looked down on Yukari like a god. Yukari never trembled as much as she had in her life, seeing this fearsome creature-spirit. It was a rather mysterious creature, white, with eyes whose pupils could dilate and constrict in the blink of a flash. A shroud of fog surrounded him from below, but do not cover him on bit.

Yukari walked slowly towards the spirit, on her knees, saying slowly, "I am…in the presence of the Ghost of Christmas Future?"

The Spirit raised its right hand which looked more like a part of its arm, and glowed, as if to say silently, "I Am."

"You will show me things that not have happened yet, but will come in the forthcoming future," Yukari said. "Is that right?"

Again the Spirit glowed. Yukari knew that meant "Yes," and she started to shake and pale, shake and pale. She feared this type of Spirit more than anything, although it had some shades of cute. But while it looked cute, it was by no means friendly, but ominous, and wary.

"Ghost of the Future," said Yukari, still on her knees, "I fear more than any ghost I will ever see in my life. Even those in the haunted houses." The Spirit's pupils constricted slightly. "But I know your purpose is to do me good, and have me become the woman I used to be. I am willing to change for the betterment of myself and those surrounding me with your help. Won't you speak to me or something?"

The Spirit a glowed a deep black. That meant, "No." Yukari, shaking, said, "Fine then. Let's get this out of the way already. Come on!"

Yukari took the Spirit's hand, and they were both flying down the streets of Tokyo. They stopped at a busy café, which had few people, and looked rather dirty. Outside, people could be seen walking up and down, some talking, others going about their business, friendship and hospitality lacking.

The Spirit directed his hand toward four young salarymen eating and sipping cheap wine. One of them was lighting a cigar. Yukari knew that these were her former students, due to their faces resembling so much the characters.

"Anosa," one of the guys said, "I don't much about what happened to her."

"You don't?" said the second. "When did she die?"

"Last night, I think."

"What was the matter with her?" asked the third. "I thought Miss Yukari would never die."

"Well it seems her immortality has been kept in check by the man upstairs-sama." They laughed.

The fourth one asked, "Well, what has she done with her booze?"

"Haven't heard. She probably gave it to her family and Miss Kurosawa. She didn'leave anything for me though. Man, that beer must be the good stuff." The other three howled in laughter.

"Kenji the recovering alcoholic," the second one said. "I think this will be a very quick and cheap funeral. I don't think anyone would want to go to hers. You think we should volunteer to be the pall bearers?"

"I'm not much of a pall bearer," said the first, "I'm more of a _mall_ bearer."

"Oh, is it because your girlfriend taught you how to shop?" he said with a slight smart-ass kick to it.

"No, it's because I get more out of respecting manga and takoyaki than respecting the dead." Again the group gave out a howling laugh of agreement.

"You know what fellas," the first one said, standing up, "we shouldn't go to her funeral. And I'll tell you why. She is one crappy teacher, and a disgrace to herself and those around her. If I were to die like Yukari, I might as well rot in hell."

"I'm sure she's doing that right now!" Another laugh, and then all of them left.

The spirit gloated onto a street, pointing with its left upper appendage at two other men, one being another of Yukari's former students, and a Bengali gaijin businessman. The latter was a foreign exchange student, and was picking up the language here quite easily. However, they communicated in the language of business, English. The gaijin spoke it with his Bengali accent which reminded Yukari of a certain convenient store clerk from Springfield.

It was all business, and they were just as well off as Yukari was…and some.

"Hello, there," the gaijin said.

"Hello," returned his partner.

"Well! The rakshasas have held their own at last, eh?"

"Whatever the hell they are…"

"…"

"Cold, isn't it?"

"Typical of Christmas time. You're not a skier, I suppose?"

In a comical, punkish British tone, he said, "No, something else to think oh, ahem, gokigenyou!"

"Gokingenyou…" He walked away, saying, "Whatever the hell that means…" And that was it. Not another word was said between them.

Yukari was surprised that the Spirit would point to things she deemed meaningless. But the Spirit did not answer. Eventually Yukari came to the point that perhaps this would be a clue to what would happen if things were left unchanged.

She looked around, and never saw anyone that looked like her, talked like her, even smelled like her. Yukari pondered that, okay, she will change the way she was, and continued to hope that the spirit would assist in this. The Spirit and Yukari left the scene and walked to an obscure part of Tokyo, a part where Yukari never saw in her life, and was revolting an appaling. The streets were littered with trash, feces, bones, food waste, dirty diapers, syringes, tablets, rags and blood. People were naked or half-naked, wandering about, and looked like they never took a bath in a year. They were haggard, devoid of proper nutrition, and the sight of this made Yukari shed a river. Ahead in the street a few hoodlums were stealing material, and a slew of police officers were lying down, some bleeding and half-alive, some dead, some even rotting. An old man sitting on the steps of a parlor and thrift shop, also half-naked and bony, was smoking a pipe, teetering also on his end of existence. It was a horrible place.

Yukari and the plush cat-phantom walked over to the old man, as he was joined by a woman carrying a heavy load and her male mater in a dirty T-shirt and jeans. When the three of them met each other, they laughed.

"Well, well, well, her we are, all here," said the woman carrying the load. "How about that, old man Kyo."

"You couldn't have met in a better place," old Kyo said, removing the pipe and throwing it into the sewer. "Come on in." With a grin, he took another pipe and continued his smoking session as the two of them went inside the parlor and thrift shop.

"What are the odds, Shimano-san?" said the woman to her friend. "Everyone has a right to take care of themselves. She always did."

"So true," the resident laundress said. "No other woman more so."

"Well, don't stand staring as if you were afraid…who's the wiser? We're not going to place a game of jan-ken-pyon, I suppose?"

"Kid's stuff," said Mrs. Shimano and her friend. "Not for us."

"Okay then, that's enough. Who's the worse for the loss of stuff like these. Not a dead woman, you'd think?"

"Course not!" she exclaimed, laughing.

"If she wanted to keep these bottle and trinkets after she was dead, a crazy old teacher," implored the laundress, "why wasn't she nice at all when she was alive? If she has been, she would have had someone to look out for her when she was in the face of Death, instead of being there all alone, gasping out his last from her last round of 40."

"True words," said Mrs. Shimano. "That's quite something to judge for her."

"I wish it was something worse, and it should have been, if I could find something else to raid from her house. Open the bundle, Kyo, and let me know the value of those trinkets. Come on, open it, Kyo."

Unfortunately, her friends wouldn't allow it, and Mrs. Shimano's friend produced his plunder. It was rather small. A pencil-case, a bottle of Kirin Draft, contents already downed, and an old CD of a band called B'z. These three objects were examined by Kyo, and he chalked up the sums into a total when there was nothing else remaining.

"Okay," Kyo said. "That's what you got, and I won't give another 100 yen if I was to be cremated for not doing it. Next."

That was Mrs. Shimano's turn. Night-gowns and linen, a pair of school books, a broken down clock with the words "Azuma Clocks" on it, and an Osaka doll whose right arm was torn away. Her account was tallied on the wall like her friend.

The woman carrying the huge load said, "Okay, undo my bundle, Kyo."

Kyo went on his knees, and unfastened a huge load of objects. He uncovered a huge piece of cloth with metal attached to it. "Bed curtains!?"

"Yep. Bed curtains."

"You meant…you took the entire bud curtain from her house, with her lying there?"

"Yep yep yep. Is there a problem?"

"Oh boy…you blow my mind, ma'am. You got yourself a lot of yen coming your way." He was smiling brightly, a smile with no teeth.

"She was stone cold when I took them, Kyo. Don't drop any oil on those blankets, you hear me?"

"Her blankets?"

"Whose else's? She ain't gonna be more cold without them, now."

"I hope she didn't die of any illness, eh?" said Kyo, stopping his work.

"Don't worry about that. I'm not so fond of her that I'd ask her why she died. You may look through that blouse of hers, but you won't find any hole in, not an iota of dirt either. The waste management company would have thrown it away if it weren't for me taking it.

Kyo chuckled. "What do you mean, 'throw it away?'"

"Putting it on her to be buried in, duh," she replied, laughing. "Somebody was stupid to do- it, but I took it off anyway. If calico plaid ain't good enough, it ain't good for nothin'. She can't look more yucky than she did in that one."

Yukari shivered again, listening to it in horror. What was this with her being buried in a calico sack? The thought of calico made Yukari's insides turn upside down with salty tears. The thought of her dead body being sold piece by piece degutted her even more.

"Ohohohohoooh!" laughed the woman with the sack, as Kyo took out a bag with 12,000 yen and 6 novelty bottles of Asahi in it, reveling at the finding she had given him. "This is it. She scared us away from her, to profit us when she was dead. How about that, Kyo! Muhahahahahaaah!"

"Spirit," said Yukari, shivering like a rag doll, tears streaming out of her eyes, "I already know, I already know. The case of this unhappy woman might be mine's. My life tends to be that way. Oh my fucking god, what the hell is this!?"

She recoiled in terror, paling, as the scene changed, as she was lying next to a bed, a bed with no curtains, and under a sheet, something covered up, which was very apparent in the appearance. The room was dark, very dark, and Yukari pondered what this room was. A light fell on the bed, and on it, was the body of the woman.

The spirit, eyes constricting, glowing, pointed to the head. The slightest raising of the head would uncover the face. Yukari thought of asking the Spirit to raise the veil. But the Spirir would not allow it.

And how one begins to wonder, Death! The cold, dark, rigid ending of all endings, and for those who believe: a continuation of life, a new beginning. How such a cruel fate can be made less severe by making good out of the life that remained, the life that it once knew, and can never turn back again.

End Chapter 4a


	8. Chapter 4b

Note: I made up Yukari's birth year, sorry. I have no idea, it didn't say. I was thinking about having at the end Yukari gaining white wings that turn into black demonic wings of fire, and her falling from salvation's grace, but I'm not that mahou cheap, sorry, lol…

; Okay, just this time…cause I wanna. This is my fanfic after all, and I can do whatever I want with it…evil laughter

An Azumanga Christmas Carol

Chapter 4b

No voice produced those words in Yukari's head, and yet she heard them ringing like school chimes. She though, if this woman could be raised up from its current state, what would be her thought that first came to mine? Bibilous, venomous, drunkenness? They have brought her to a rather ludicrous end, most definitely!

She laid, in the house, with not a woman, or man, or child, and without an iota of kindness to be instilled in her. A gray can with a smile of sharp picked at the door, and the resident mice were scuttling about with the ants. What those creatures wanted, Yukari didn't want to know, for she knew, and what it was cannot be mentioned as per.

"Spirit," Yukari said, "this is a scary place. I have learned my lesson, okay? Let's go!"

The Spirit, floating, still pointed at the head.

"I understand what you are saying, and I would do it, if I could. But I don't have what it takes. Please, listen to me! I don't have what it takes, Spirit."

The Spirit's eyes constricted again.

In agony, Yukari cried, "Okay, if there is anyone in this world who feels for this woman's death, show that person to me. Shot that person to me NOW, Spirit!"

Glowing, the Spirit revealed a room, where a mother and children were.

The mother was expecting someone, and with eagerness, since she was walking up and down the room, checking the clock, looking outside, but instead, worked on her sewing, and could hardly hear the voices of the children playing.

At long last a knock was heard, Opening the door, she saw her husband, a man who was completely depressed, though young still. There was a look of happiness in his face, a sort of happiness and bliss which was hard to restrain.

He went over to the dinner table, and chuckled a bit.

"Is it good, or bad?' the shorted mother asked.

"Bad."

"Really? We're done for?"

"No. There is hope yet, Ayako."

"If she is still alive," saying in amazement, "sure. There is no reason not to hope, if a miracle has happened."

"She is past living," said the father. "She…is dead."

The mother was thankful to hear that news, and as she recognized the bigger picture, she summoned the gods to give the deceased one forgiveness. "How the heck did that happen?"

"You know what? What the half-drunken man who I told you about said last night, said that to me. I thought he was being an idiot because he was drunk, but now…it's true. She was not only intoxicated, but she was dying, too."

"I see. So who's gonna replace her at the school for Class Three?"

"I'm not sure, but before third semester begins, I hope to work with someone who is a little bit nicer as a teacher. But you know what? We may be able to sleep better now, Ayako!"

Indeed, their spirits were brighter, and the children danced around in a circle in celebration of the woman's death. The Spirit glowed brightly, its pupils dilating a rich black. A glow of pleasure.

"Let me see some tenderness with death," said Yukari to the spirit, "or that…place we were? That place will be there to me."

The Spirit went down streets familiar to her, and the two of them stopped by Rie Sakaki's house, and found the mother and children seated, watching nothing but pure static.

It was quiet. Very quiet, if you exclude the small static noise on the broken down cable television. Yotsuba and Ena were very still, looking up at Miura, reading an issue of Libon Magazine. The shorter mother, Fuuka, and Asagi were busy sewing, but they were also very quiet.

"And she took a cat, and set him in the middle of them."

Where in the world has Yukari heard those words? From a higher existence? From the man selling chestnuts? From the local animal shelter's veterinarian? Miura must have read them out. Why did he not continue?

The shorter mother set her work on the table, and put her hand to her face. "This color is hurting my eyes," Asagi said.

The color? Poor, poor Maya!

"It's okay not. It makes the color weak when your turn the light on then, and I wouldn't shake a blind eye to your other mother when she comes home. Her time is near."

"Really?"

"Mmm-hmmm."

"Past it, actually," said Miura, closing his book. "But I think she's walked a little bit slower than she used to, in recent nights, kaa-san."

Again, quiet, and the mother said, "I have known her to walk with Maya on her shoulder, very fast indeed."

"And so have I," said Miura.

"And so have I," exclaimed Yotsuba and Ena. So did everyone else.

"But he was very light to carry," she said, resuming her work, "and your taller mother loved him a lot, and it was no trouble, no trouble at all."

"You'd think," said Miura, frowning. Ena gave him a little nudge on his shoulder in disagreement. That was the last case of smart-alecky one would see from Miura ever again. At least, in this time.

"There's your mother at the door!" said the shorter one, who hurried out to meet her, and little Rie, in her comforter, poor girl, came in. The o-cha was ready for her, and they all tired to help her to it most. Yotsuba and Ena hugged their taller mother, and she spoke in good cheer with the rest of the family.

"You guys will be finished with this quilt long before Sunday," Sakaki said, sipping a bit of the o-cha made.

"Sunday? You went today then, Rie?" asked her wife.

"Yes, my dear Kaori, I wish you would have gone to see how beautiful a place it was. So beautiful, so wonderful. I promised him that I would walk with him there on a Sunday. My little cat!" cried Sakaki. "My little, little darling cat!"

She broke down profusely, the tears streaming down her face, sobbing. She couldn't help it; she and her cat were now more father apart than they were. Her wife hugged and comforted her. Yukari knew who Sakaki was talking about.

Sakaki went to the room, and went to the room above, which was decorated rather brightly with cheap light, and Santa motifs, and a manger with a child on it. A pet dish and a cast on a chair were lying next to it. Sakaki kissed the child's face, blushed, and came down happily.

The family sat by the table and talked about school and how everyone was doing in their classes, the older girls continuing their work with the quilt. Sakaki talked about the extraordinary kindness of Nyamo, a teacher and friend she knew so well when she was a student, and when she met her, was a little…

"…down, you see," said Sakaki. "On which, I told her about my boss's death. She said, 'I am sorry that happened, Miss Sakaki, and I am sorry for your 'wife''. How she ever knew that, I'm not sure."

"Knew what, my Sakakikins?" asked Kaori.

"Why you were a good 'wife.'"

"Everyone knows that," said Miura. "And you know what? Everyone is teasing me at school because I have two mothers. They call me the Happy Lesson kid because-OW!" A bigger lump on his forehead than before came out.

"Very well observed, my dear Miura," said Sakaki. "I hope they still do." Kaori lushed and smile. "So, she continues, 'I'm sorry, for your 'wife.' If I can be of service to you in any way,' she said, hading her business card, 'this is where I live. Drop by if you want to talk.' This was quite a surprise. Miss Kurosawa's such a nice person. It seems she knew who our Maya was, and that she felt for our loss, also."

"Miss Kurosawa is a very nice lady," said Kaori.

"You'd be sure of it," said Sakaki with a wink, "if you saw and spoke to her. I wouldn't be surprise, if, and let me make it clear, she gave Miura a job."

"True."

"And then," Ena said, "Miura will be keeping company with the girls and having one for himself."

"Hey, wait a minute," said Miura laughing. "I'm just in high school, okay? I haven't worked ever in my life. Of course, there's that Magnetron Burger I've always wanted to work at over the summer." The family looked at Miura with a suspicious eye, and who paled a little bit. "What? It was only a joke!"

"And a crappy joke at that," said Ena, pouting.

"Beaten by a girl. Oh the horror." He shriveled in his verbal defeat.

"There will be time for that, when he has a job, my Kaorin. But when the time comes where we part from one another, I am sure no one in this family will forget poor Mayas, right?"

"Never, Sakaki-kaasama!" cried the family.

"And I know, that when we remember how patient and mild our cat was, al though he ws just a little kitten, we will not quarrel against one another, and forget poor Maya in doing it."  
"Never ever, Sakaki-kaasama!" they cried again.

"I am happy. I am…so…happy!"

Kaori kissed her, Fuuka and Asagi kissed her, Yotsuba and Ena kissed her, even Miura kissed her (though he thought it was gross). Spirit of Yamamaya, thine light and feline essence cometh from the one Kami-sama! Victory, victory to thee!

"Spirit," said Yukari, "soothing is telling me that our parting moment is coming soon. I know it, but I don't know how I do."

The Spirit glowed and raised its right upper appendage as if to say, "Indeed, and as for the second question…you just know."

"Tell me, who was that person that we saw lying dead. Who was that person?"

The Spirit glowed, as if to say, "These are just random visions of the future." Eventually, he glowed again, as if to say, "but if you must, here we go."

The Spirt showed what was once Yukari's office in the school, but instead had a different teacher, and it was organized cleanly. It continued on, until it reached a churchyard. Here lied the wretched person who laid underneath the ground. Walled in by building, and overrun by grass and weeds and unclean incense, the growth of dying vegetation was marred by the frequent splattering of beer and beer bottles and caps on the ground. Such a place!

The Spirit stood among the graces, pointing down to one grace. She advanced to it, shaking with fear. Yukari dreaded that she saw new meaning in its ghastly shape.

"Before I see that headstone you are pointing to," said Yukari, "answer me this one question. Are these the shadows of things that will be, or things that may be?"

The Spirit glowed, pointing down to the headstone, as if to say, "You decide."

"The courses of all people, men and women, regardless of race, creed, color, or character foreshadow and end to then, to which they must lead," said Yukari. "But they can change their path, and their life. Tell me who this person is on this grave! NOW!"

The Spirit glowed, eyes constricting to their maximum.

Yukari walked over to the head stone, and read it.

YUKARI TANIZAKI  
1975-2006

"I don't care if I live my life half drunk,

that's how I will always live it,

so la-di-fucking da!"

"Am I the woman who laid on that bed," she cried, on her knees.

The spirit's pointed to her, and then to the grave, glowing a deepred red, pupils still constricted. Yukari shrieked like crazy, sending the crows out of the trees into the gloomy sky that had started to storm into a tornado of doom.

"Spirit!" exclaimed Yukari, tears streaming down her face like a flood, "please hear me. I am not the woman I was. I will not be the woman I should have been up until this time. Why show me this, if all my hope is gone."

The Spirit began to shake.

"Good, kind spirit," she pursued, "What you have done has moved me in ways I could not have imagined. Tell me that I can change all this and have a new life!"

It shook even more violently.

"I will honor, Christmas in my heart, and keep it all year throughout my life. I will live in the Past, Present and Future. The three Spirits shall live anid strive within me. I will never throw awaythe lessons they teach. Oh spirit, tell me that I can take away the writing on this stone.

Yukari, in agony, grabbed hold on the spirit. It wanted to free itself, but Yukari did not let it go. Eventually, as the eye of the storm watched over with an evil blind eye on the tow of them, the Spirit was free of her restrain.

Holding up her hands in a last ditch prayer, Yukari screamed "YUKARI! SALVATION!! POWER!!!" The Spirit exploded into a ball of light. Yukari was enveloped in the light and what resulted the Spirit shrunk into a doll of Chiyo's imaginary father…and her bedroom.

End Chapter 4b


	9. Chapter 5

NOTE: This last part will be a tad brief. If you please. Short and sweet, fun to eat, while reading.

An Azumanga Christmas Carol

Chapter 5

Oh yes, yes, yes! The doll of Chiyo's "Father" was her own. The bedroom was hers, the house was her own. Even the junk strewn on the carpet was hers. And for some off reason, the Sailor Moon episode she watched of her curing Galaxia of her misery in white was in her head from that intervention with the Future spirit.

"I will live in the past and the present and the future!" Yukari repeated, scrambling out of her bed like eggs. "All three will be instilled in me, in the name of god. Oh Mr. Kimura! Praise to you and St. Nicholas and God! I say this on my knees, my Kimura, on my knees!"

She let out shrieks of delight as her face was strewn with big salty tears the boys in California would be proud of. They may have washed her free of her makeup, but have washed her free of her transgressions. She had been crying like a 1-year old child in her meeting with the spirit.

"The bed curtains…they are not torn down, they are still here! They are still here! The shadows, they will be dispelled! They will be! Zettai! Honto! Waha!"

She bounced off the walls, yelling at every corner, screeching like a monkey on steroids, even yelling outside, "ATASHI WA SUPER YUKARI CHRISTMAS ANGEL! FEAR ME! WAHAHAHAHAAHAHAAH!"

"Hey, quiet over there," said a passerby, "you'll upset the neighbors!"

Going to her room, she said, "I don't know what to do know! Wahahah! I am light as air, as merry as a schoolgirl, as giddy as a drunken fool who cheered on his Marinos to win the J-League crown over Urawa! Meeeeriiii Kuriiiisuuumaaasuuu! Ahahahahah! Wahooo! Wahaha! Ukiiiiiiii! Ukiiiiiiiiii! Ukiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!" She pointed to an number of things. "There's the door that Kimura's ghost entered! There's where the Ghost of Christmas Present that looked like Osaka sat. There's the TV that flickered like crazy when Kimura entered! It's all true, it all happened! Wahahahaha!"

Honestly, she let out a laugh that a girl who had too much estrogen in her body would be jealous out. Yukari's fire and optimistic spirit was at an all time high. The holy mother of a long line of laughs and fun. A true entertainer. That's what she was when she was with the prodigy, the Osakan girl, the weight watcher, the failure, the jock, and the cat addict who had a spy, and the latter two were a couple. De facto, that was.

"I don't know what day it is! I don't care if it's January, June, September, April, shogatsu, o-bon…it doesn't matter what season, I might as well be a season! It's Yukari time, 24/7/365, I guess! Ahahahahahaaah!"

She turned on the CD player, and played a Chieko Higuchi classic, "Poi Poi Peace." Oddly enough, one of the members from St. George's had this on her cell phone. And oddly enough, in the distance the organ of St. Mary's Cathedral in Sekiguchi was playing the same song. And even more oddly enough, it was just a tune-up for the mass that would begin in an hour.

The sky was blue, the sunlight was bright, and the snowstorm had subsided, though it was still chilly, with a few flakes falling down.

"Excuse me," said Yukari to a girl in orange hair with a red mesh, a sweater, skirt and platforms, holding a handbag, "what day is it today?" Apparently, she was walking over to Shibuya to do some Christmas Day shopping at the 100-yen shop.

"Ha?" she asked with a scowl.

"What's today, young lady?"

"Today? It's Christmas Day," she said, smiling.

"All right, it's Christmas Day! I haven't missed a beat. The Spirits did it in one night, like they should. Yes." Turning to the gal, Yukari said, "Hey, do you know where the nearest KFC is located?"

"Oh yeah. I was just going to eat over there before I did some shopping, ma'am."

"Sweetness. Do you know if they are having a sale on buckets of Original or Extra Tasty Crispy?"  
"Two buckets for 1800 yen," returned the gal.

"Awesome. Can you ask if they can send 8 buckets, 4 of each variety, with all the sides they have, large size to this address? Here, let me write it down for you." Writing the address on a piece of paper with the address and lists to buy, she said, "Here you go. And here's 10,000 yen. If there is any change left, it's all yours."

With stars in her eyes, she exclaimed, "Oh thank you so very much! I need whatever I can find, you know."

"You promise to do what I told you, right?"

"Yes, ma'am!" she said with a salute. "Thank you ma'am!"

"Call me Yuka-san," Yukari said.

"Okay…Yuka-san." Off she went to the KFC, to pay for the dinner, and to send it to the address.

"Hee heee, I will send this to Rie Sakaki's," Yukari grinned rather sadistically, with a giggle, "she won't know who sent it. It's big enough to fill a family 3 times over, one for the father, son, and spirit. Oh yes! Ahahahaaah!"

"Hey Ran," a young cashier with spiked hair said to her.

"Hey, Tatsukichi," Ran said.

Tatsuki said, "Anything I can help you with, my Ran-pyon baby?"  
"I need you to spot me a free order."

"Huh? Free order?"

She whispered the plan. "…and I can treat you to dinner with Miyu, Aya, Rei, Second Place, and Mamirin, if you let me get this order for free."

"But…I can't do that! Restaurant policy!"

Winking at the manager, who winked back, Ran said, "They know me well. Now go!" She handed the list and the destination to where it would be sent to Tatsuki.

Another idea popped into Yukari's head. "I got it! I'll also ask 109 to give Sakaki's family a lifetime pass to their store. And I will pay for it! Man, am I so rich!" She did, and she gave the address of the receiver to Customer Service.

She then cleaned her room, put all the junk and trash in the wastebasket, and literally cleaned the house so that it looked similar to Nyamo's in appearance. That took two hours to complete. Afterwards, she dressed up in her brown and beige swearer, brown leather skirt and boots, tan coat and a scarf, and went around the city, greeting each and every one, hugging young guys, kissing old girls, petting cats (and not getting bitten by the gray biting cat, thank goodness), saying to everyone, "Meri Kurisumasu!' And they returned the wishes the same.

Yukari had not gone far when she met the two girls dressed in brown frocks and black fedora, the two girls that stopped by her office the other day. This time, Yukari would make her own change of plans.

"Tomo! Yomi!" said Yukari walking quickly toward them, "How are you ladies doing?"

The two of them said hesitantly, "Fine…I guess."

"I hope you guys succeeded in your donations, yesterday."

Said Tomo, "Um…yeah, we did." She turned to her partner for an explanation for the change in character.

Koyomi blinked. "Miss Yukari?"

"That's my name. And even though it may not be something you want to hear, I would like to donate…" and she gave the amount in her ear.

Her glasses glinted, "No way in heck! Are you kidding me?"  
"No, that's my offer. No less, no more. And I will be willing to donate a little more if my paycheck will allow it. Will that be good for you two?"

"I don't know what to say, Miss Yukari," said Tomo.

Grabbing the bonkler by the head and giving her a noogie, Yukari said, "If you want to find somebody that is so not like me, go talk to Ebenezer Scrooge or something."

"R-right…" Koyomi's glasses glinted again. Somehow she knew Yukari's genki spirits were so high, they would make mountains cry. Shrugging, Koyomi received the donation, and she and Tomo left with a spring in their step.

"Boy, that Miss Yukari sure is something," said Tomo.

"Yeah," replied Koyomi, with a sigh.

"You'd think she was on E with that type of spirit."

Again the face meet a horizontal distortion as the two of them walked back to headquarters. The homeless and destitute would receive something huge in return. And this, from someone who was just willing to get by.

Miss Yukari went about the town, going to mass, talking to everyone, petting everything, and soaking herself in her newfound holiday bliss. Outside, on the big screen in Shibuya, a music video featuring the Kinki Kids was being played. Yukari never felt so happy, so ecstatic, so fancy free in her life. Starting today, she would sip alcohol in moderation. And Café Fribourg was the first place to do it.

"Excuse me," asked Yukari to the attendant at the restaurant, "but a woman by the name of Minamo Kurosawa is expecting me."

"I see," said the attendant. "She is seated at the table," and this time he pointed, "over there. And she has quite a few guests at her presence."

"Okay, sankyu."

She walked over and saw Nyamo, Eiko, and her nephews seated at a large table. "Nyamo 3 !" Yukari called in a singsong voice.

The crowd looked at Yukari. Nyamo, embarrassed a bit, said, "Who's that?"

"It's your friend in arms, Yukari. Will you let me join you guys at the table?"

"Sure!"

Seating down, she said, "Wow, Café Fribourg looks so wonderful."

"Yeah," said Eiko, "it sure is. So what will you be ordering first?"

"Hmmm…this dish looks cool."

"Ehhhh!? That dish is 4300 yen!" exclaimed Nyamo, a sweat drop coming down her head.

"No worries, Minamo," said Eiko. "I'll cover."

"Oh Yukari…" Her nephews laughed and toasted their water glasses.

"Here's to our Aunt Yukari," said one of the brothers.

"To Aunt Yukari!" said another.

"AUNT YUKARI! HEAR, HERE!" said all.

"The man is here!"

Yotsuba, always the eager one, walked over to the entrance. "Hey Mommy, someone's at the door," she said opening it. "Hello!"

"Hello there, kid," said the caterer man. He was wearing a blue outfit with apron, and holding large container full of food and drink straight from the restaurant.

The kid noticed something. "You have a weird hairdo."

"It's called spikes."

"Oooooh! Spikes!" Yotsuba pondered the possibility of receiving spiked hair. But then she began to wonder if that was better than her four-pigtail clover hairdo.

"Hello, what can I do for you?" asked Kaori, coming to the door.

"I'm from KFC, and we have a special delivery to hand to you. It's also free."

"Okay…what is it?"  
"4 buckets of Original Recipe, 4 buckets of Extra Tasty Crispy, 15 buttermilk biscuits with syrup, 5 buckets of potato wedges, 15 corns on the cob, 5 cups of mashed potatoes with gravy, 1 large barbecued chicken pizza, 1 extra-large chocolate cake, and 8 bottles of Calpis Water with 15 bottles of ramune. Freshly made for you."

Kaori paled, then fainted. How did such a horde of food come about? It was, indeed, an amazement…and a burden. This was the first time the family had been treated like kings. Miura came into the room, drinking a box of milk. He dropped the box in sublime horror when he saw the caterer. "Hey, KFC! I've always wanted them to come to our door! This is so cool! Yes!"

Asagi and Fuuka walked in, followed by Ena. They too were mesmerized by the sight of a young man wearing a suntan, holding the feast of chicken and trimmings. "KFC!?" they exclaimed. "Whoa!"

"Tell me this is a dream," said Kaori, winded by the findings.

"But," said Ena, "who would give us this…feast?"

"You don't think," Fuuka said to the others.

"No way," said everyone except the caterer, who replied, "Did I miss something?"

"Mommy," Yotsuba said to Kaori, still on the floor, "why are you on the floor?"

Said the mother, half-dazed, "We…already got rice…"

As Kaori continued her slight catatonic melancholy, Miura said flatly, "Mom…you're weird." He and the others except for Kaori set the table and enjoyed the spoils given by a certain English teacher. Tatsuki smiled, and left, saying in a Lance Armstrong tone, "my work here's done."

The next day, Yukari was at her office. This time her desk was organized, but she was still reading "Katsuyato," and eating another bag of chips.

Sakaki was late. There was no doubt about that. She had been reveling in that dinner the KFC man brought her. At long last she came inside.

"Well hello there, Miss Sakaki!" said Yukari, in a fake old tone that she could easily pull off. "Why the heck are you late again?"

"I'm sorry," said Sakaki, bowing her head up and down like a Bobble-Head doll dedicated to her like a boy toy. "Please forgive me."

Yukari, shaking her head, said, "Come over here, Miss Rie Sakaki."

Sakaki did so, walking over to her employer and superior. Yukari's eyebrows were like antennas. Whiriririrrrrirr, whiriririririririrrrr. She was pulling off her disgusted look so well, when she was completely the opposite.

"Now, you know what," she said, walking around her, examining her from every corned as Sakaki gulped, "I will not allow this type of tardiness to happen. It is simple unacceptable. And you know what I will do to you? I will…" The disgust was erased in a split second. "…ask the principal to raise your salary! You are now an assistant instructor, instead of just an aide!"

Sakaki sweated like a pig covered in mud. "Miss Yukari…what are you saying?"

"I am saying that you have done a wonderful job as my aide and clerk, helping me in the office for 4 years, Miss Sakaki. I will ask tomorrow to have the school double your salary to help support your family. Also, when I am on sabbatical or leave, you can teach the little boogers the tricks of the trade. Can you do that?"

Tears in her eyes, Sakaki said, "Y…yes, Miss Yukari."

"Ahem…you can call me Yuka-chan. Cause I am as happy as a girl in grade school! Ahahahahah!" She grabbed Sakaki and swung her around, babbling nonsense like a brook by a waterfall. Sakaki paled and smiled. Her life had changed course to a conclusion her family would be proud of.

"Yu…Yuka-chan?"

Yukari was true to her word and some. After all, she was indeed a changed woman. She helped Maya heal from her injuries, and he grew strong and big, lived a long life, and as for Yukari, she became an immediate lover for cats and everything cute. She was another Sakaki, in some ways.

She continued teaching the subject the way it was meant to be taught, encouraging her students to participate in discussions, as if they were in college already. She took her job seriously, and with a profound seriousness and dedication to it. Her student excelled at every sports and culture festival, and many of them equaled alumna Chiyo Mihama in academic standing and integrity. Yukari had become the best of the best teachers, and Minamo Kurosawa had nothing but praise for her every time she stepped inside the school's hallowed halls. Praises indeed. The Lord may have canonized Yukari on the spot, by faith!

She was never bothered by the Spirits again, and she never drank another bottle of liquor, and if she did, it was in moderation. She only did it socially. Her house was always clean, her office was always clean, and she would even take Yotsuba on ride around town, although she was a little winded from the ride. Yotsuba enjoyed it anyway. She was, in many ways, invincible.

But most of all, Yukari Tanizaki knew how to keep Christmas in her heart, and to celebrate it the right way. And no one else did it better. Maybe Santa Claus and his elves and reindeer could do it better, but their spirit was in her, too.

And may her example be instilled in us, forever and ever, for many generations, until our dying day.

As Maya would have said it if he were human, or as Chiyo's father would also convey it with a heart of silver and gold…

**KAMI-SAMA BLESS US, EVERYNYAN!**

The End


End file.
